The one that got away...

I talked to Mr Max last night, and even though I am still finding it difficult to accept his decision, the truth of the matter is, had it been the other way round, I probably would have done the same thing. I mean, how many people would turn down giving a chance to the one that got away? Ok, ok, that little evil voice at the back of my head keeps hoping she’ll be nothing like he expects, will be boring and, most importantly, crap in bed. I have some real nasty thoughts in that twisted head of mine... Oh, jealousy is such a powerful thing.

I tell you what though, this whole thing gives the phrase "It's not you, it's me" a whole new meaning. And in a way, I guess it should help, because, after all, it really isn't about me... even if that most insecure part of me keeps nagging at me that the one that got away is probably more beautiful, sexier, more intelligent, funnier ... and it goes on, and on, and on... It really never shuts up! That's why I tend to get her really really drunk so she can't nag me anymore.

This does bring up another problem: I haven't figured out a way to only get her sloshed. Every other single side of me get it too. So, unfortunately, the paranoid one jumps in there with her, followed very closely by the one that feels sorry for herself and it becomes a real soap opera. Even Eastenders is more up beat than them all put together. But that's only a temporary set back. I'm working on it and will figure out a way to shut her up and only her!

So, what to do, what’s next? Where do I go from there? For a start, I think I’m going to put men, sex and relationship aside for a bit. Only got 3 months left on that dating website, so will let that run its course and not bother after that. Although, Mr Big has been in touch a lot lately, asking me to, and I quote, “get my sexy butt back to London asap”. And after the last few months, I think I deserve a bit of a break from all this emotional drama.

Actually, I’ll just put relationship to the side for now. God I am useless at this!!! LOL Well, I admit that London sounds like a very tempting change of scenery, and even sweeter with a side of Mr Big… Ahhh, that Mr big, he is fine! He’s like one of my toys on legs. For some reason, this 28yrs old guy likes older women. And when I say older, I mean way older than me! I’m just a young chicken to him. And to me, well, he’s just too hot to turn down! He’s one of those rare bad boys that get under your skin and you just can’t get ride of.

Hey, don’t think I’m deluding myself, thinking that sex can change anything. I know it won’t, and I know it might mess me up some more, but I’m afraid I’ve always used sex as a way to escape so… London, brace yourself, here I come!!!