So, second date with Mr Max. I had some strict rules in mind, had planned the whole day out and was not going to take any risks on this one. I like the guy, I want to give this a proper go and not let my addiction to the pleasure of flesh get in the way. Ok, yes, he was going to pick me up from mine, but I figured, my house mate was going to be home so no problems there. But all the best laid plans... turned to mush when I found out she was going away for the week-end at the same time he was picking me up!
Let me set the scene... 10am, the front door rings and she's just getting ready to walk out the door. I'm suddenly realising this is a very dangerous place to be in. I can see it in his eyes, he's got cheeky ideas in his mind and the temptation is screaming at me. I only have so much self control, and when it comes to sex... well, what can I say... My name is Carine and I'm an addict!
Lets just say that roughly 15minutes after my housemate abandonned me and one cup of coffee and one of tea later - left aside getting stone cold, - I was being undressed... God, I am useless at this. So much for me trying to get into a relationship on stronger ground than sole for sex. After all, as much fun as sex is, what I'm really after is some great love on the side of good sex. Or should it be good sex on the side of great love? I guess you can see where my problem lies. However, I do have to confess, this was more than just a good time... It was a hell of a great time. The man has some pretty impressive moves. Now, Ash will tell you I’m easily pleased, but I don't think so, I'm just good at giving directions. Some people can clearly explain how to get from A to B, I'm just really explicit on how to get me there, over and over again. Simple.
The interesting thing with Mr Max is his passion for ... well, passion. And I know from experience it's rather helpful to have this kind of information before you really get into the bloke. Imagine falling for a man only to find out he can't take you all the way. Believe me, I've been there, it ain't pretty, no matter how much you love him. And that's where things can get messy, scary and complicated, because Mr Max is more than one of my new toys with brand new batteries and offers much more than theses precious gadgets in my box.
And that's usually when I start to lose the plot. Because the truth is, sex, I can do, I'm good at it. It's simple, straight forward, unbelievably fun and doesn't require you to take much emotional risks. Relationships are so much more terrifying, you bare your soul to someone else, give them a piece of your heart while, inside, you just can't help but worry about their ability to reduce those very fragile and precious part of you to shreds.
So what to do? Stay home, never risk getting your heart broken or get out there and risk to be reduced to tears? The funny thing is, no matter how many tears I have shed over men, how often I have felt like giving up on the idea of love in my life, that romantic side of me just won't drop it. So, yes, I am still a romantic at heart, and even if life has managed to reduce that voice down to a whisper, it has not minimised it's commitment to searching for that great love. Call me an idealist, a dreamer, a romantic or maybe just crazy, but at the end of the day, my heart has its own agenda. Believe me, I have tried to change its mind, but it just won't let go. It's just as stubborn as I am.
And you know what, it reassures me that it is. It's helping me take risks and right now, it's leading me right into the arms of Mr Max, for possibly love, maybe a relationship and as we figure this out, plenty of great sex!
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