I can remember a time when sex and love where interconnected and when I would have never given one without the other. When my heart was pure and naive, and the very thought of sex for pleasure only was an abomination. Today, I wonder what happened to that girl. She was so innocent, so gullible – although, to be honest, she still is sometimes – and truly believed in love and romance.
I’ll tell you what happened: she grew up, tried to make some sense of it all, but, being so naïve and unfamiliar with the rules of that world, she got tricked, played, used and got lost in the mix. And that thin line she would have never crossed, well, first, she just put a toe over it, just to see what it was like on the other side. Ah, the unknown can be so attractive sometimes. Then the toe became a foot, after all, it can’t be that bad, can it? And before she new it, she had moved the line to a different area. At first, she just moved it to the side a bit, but as time went on, it got moved to another room, then another level. It started to fade away, becoming a little more blurred every time she moved it. As the line weakened, that girl fell asleep in the corner of my head and my heart. Thing is, and please don’t ask me why but, today, that girl is waking up again. She still believes in love and romance and wants her line back.
Problem is, as those things regularly happens to the most untidy of us, she can’t find that bloody line anymore!!! And she’s been looking, believe me. She’s even got me searching for the flipping thing. She won’t leave it alone. Plus, she wants me to stop having meaningless sex… Who does she think she is? Seriously, I ask you. Since I’ve started having that casual relationship with Mr Max, she’s become increasingly louder. How am I supposed to stay sane with her going on about love and true feelings … and Mr H.? She’s really fallen for him and wanted me to give it one last shot.
She knows me so well, though. She knows the inside out of my heart and soul. And, well, let’s be realistic here, when she starts going on, I have a habit to listen. Because, she is that most hopeful and most loving side of me. But she’s also the one that suffers the most from not feeling loved. We often talk about it, but she just won’t give up. I have, and she can’t admit that. So, in trying to calm her down – or shut her up, depending on how I feel ;-) – I have sent Mr H one last e-mail. I had to, for her sanity, if not for mine. And in a way, she is right; we need to know that those feelings were real, and not just a fragment of our imagination.
I didn’t want to tell Mr Max, but she felt it was only right. Interestingly enough, and I guess it’s only fair after what happened, he’s been really supportive. The biggest surprise of all was the quick response from Mr H. Although, now, she’s getting even louder because, in a twist I didn’t really see coming, those feelings were not only real, but shared! So now, I just can’t shut her up! That’s the problem with her, when she gets it, she really gets carried away. I’ve tried to explain to her, yes, he shares them but he’s got his own things to deal with and might not be ready for us. But she won’t listen. She keeps going on about love, hope and Mr H. I’m not denying I don’t want it too, because I do. She and I are one after all. But I’m probably a little more cautious than she is.
And guess what, she’s found that stupid line! So, as you can imagine, we’ve been having a bit of a war because she’s determined to bring it back. I’ll be damned if I let that happen! Sorry, but as long as I am single, I’m having fun, and that’s that! Line or no line!
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