Where did all the good men go?

Call me childish, a player, a needy woman, a desperate soul searching for love, a serial dater… Call me anything you like; but one thing I am not … is a liar. If I meet a man I neither like nor fancy, I will cut the date short and let him know that I’m not interested. If I meet a man I fancy but don’t see anything else, I will let him know that too. Blunt, frank and straightforward, with me, men pretty much always know where they stand.

However, I, cruelly innocent in the matter of the heart, thought I could expect the same from the men I meet. A few years ago, I used to put their ways of deceiving me down to their age. Maybe youth had a way of holding back their true bravery. After all, rejecting someone is not a pleasant thing to do and definitely require a certain amount of guts.

When meeting people via the Internet, you have to know that most of them are just not going to give you that spark and that, the likelihood of the two of you walking away hand in hand into the sunset at the end of the first date is as likely as me winning the lottery – which I don’t even play! However, this should not stop you from being pleasant, respectful and graceful. After all, that person sitting across from you is just that: a human being, with ideals, dreams, needs, ambitions and who, just like you, are looking for someone to journey through life with.

Having reached my late 30s, I naively thought things would be different. Be then, men are more mature and have more respect for others. Unfortunately, the last couple of months have proved me wrong. Ever so wrong. Let me take you back to a couple of months ago. I have been on a successions of dates, some cut short, some pleasant enough and a handful apparently successful.

Keeping in mind, this is ME we’re talking about! I have such a need for a man’s company that I regularly make all the wrong judgments and choices. Well, what can I say, nobody’s perfect. So, yes, I have a bad habit to give too much too soon. But should my failings really cost me so much? And even if having taken advantage of my weaknesses, why can’t those so called men grow some backbones and actually come out straight that they are just not interested. 

Take this first subject, lets call him … Luke … After all, that’s his name. We met at the beginning of September. After three lovely dates, he gets dinner and a run around the French playground. I played it cool and smoothly all the way. Held it back till the 4^th date, which for me, was an achievement!!! But, half way through the night, he gets a phone call and leaves due to a “family emergency”. After that … nothing … and I mean absolutely nothing. No text, no call, no e-mails. I decided that he must have hit the dust and is now lying 6ft under. Why else would he just disappear, right … ? Turns out, he is very much breathing and alive. What ever happened there? I only wish I knew.

Let’s look now at the second subject: the DFS man… and I am only protecting his identity for his own safety ;-). Our first and only date was fun, relaxed, exciting and totally unpredictable. So, yes, I made some very bad decisions during that evening. None that I am ashamed of, but lets be straight here, looking back – and according to some of my closest friends – I could have been a little more … mmm … refrained. He spent the evening making “promises” he obviously never meant to keep. And I spent the evening believing every last bit of it, because, after all, I am a lonely woman with needs. I guess reading through me like an open book, he used that knowledge to get what he wanted and leave it at that. 

After our little encounter, it took him 4 days before e-mailing me that he just didn’t see a future between us. I know I can be slightly scary, but a text is cheep, easy and safe to inform the other of your true intentions, and more importantly, it can be sent straight away!!! He did add that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, to which I replied he seemed to know exactly what he was after on that Friday night.

The story would end there if it wasn’t for a piece of evidence of our encounter and the fact that he used it to brag about our time together. And this is where I love my friends and their connections! Talking to my housemate’s boyfriend, I explained the situation. After telling me off for being so gullible, he mentioned knowing someone who works in that very DFS. A couple of weeks later, he sent me an email to inform me that his friend felt that the DFS man’s behaviour was just rude and had taken it upon himself to teach him a little lesson.

This is what he did: He first asked DFS guy if that girl he kept boasting about was French. Then added that 2 French guys had approached him in his local pub because they heard he worked at the store. They were enquiring if he knew DFS guy. They said they had come over from France to sort him out because he was bragging about his time with their cousin! Apparently, he was so spooked that he went off sick on the following day! Awww, sweet revenge. And I didn’t even ask for it!!! 

Finally, our last subject of the evening: Geoff

Now, I might be needy and desperate, but I am not totally stupid. No, really! I could see he wasn’t keen on seeing me again. What bothered me was that he just couldn’t bring himself to say so. Instead, he ignored my first text which read: “Thanks for meeting up, but I’m not sure if you’re interested. Shall I ring you in a few days or am I wasting my time?” This was his opportunity to reply: “Sorry, but I’m not interested.” And do you think he took that opportunity? I mean, how much bigger a carrot does one need? But nooooooooo, he just went on and ignored me. 

As I said earlier, I am not very clued on when it comes to men and their ways. And yes, I regularly make mistakes and pay the price. But, as I keep coming across a certain type of men, my big question is this: where did all the good men go? And please, please, please … don’t tell me they’re all taken!!!!! ;-)

Till the next lot , I’m signing out.