To be a good friend...

I’ve been in South Devon for over two years now, and I am slowly building a brand spanking new group of friends. I’m 37 and it is quite hard work to put together a new social circle. And I mean real friends. The type of people who will take you no matter the mood you’re in, who will forgive your outbursts, your hormonal imbalance and your untidy home. All right, all right, I’m just talking about me, here. Still, I’m talking about the ones that you can call in tears because you broke a nail. Because they know that nail is only the tip of the iceberg and they will listen to whatever nonsense you go on about.

The thing is, past the age of 10, making friends isn’t easy. I mean, have you recently tried walking up to someone, anyone, male or female and say: “Hey, do you want to play?” … No? You should try it sometime. See what happens… Ok, so, that might not be the appropriate phrasing. Let’s try “Hey, do you want to be my friend?” … Mmmm … No, you don’t think that would work either. It does sound a little bit freaky. What if I suggested “Can I buy you a beer?” Then, the person you’re talking to will straight away wonder what your agenda is. Because that’s how society has changed us. Apparently, we forgot how to be kind, honest, gentle and loving toward one another, especially strangers. We tend to automatically think the worse of people.

I have recently found myself falling in love with a gorgeous golden Labrador. Her owners let me take her out whenever I want to. So, I have discovered a totally different universe. For some reason, when I’m out walking with the dog, people are open, friendly and will happily have a chat as we cross path. It’s like, having that dog with me, suddenly makes me more appealing and less threatening. Do the same walk without the dog, and the people I cross path with will barely look up to say hello. People don’t trust easily, nor do they open up. And I believe that, the society we live in, isn’t helping either.

My point is, when it comes to relationships – friendship or other -  until you really get to know people and build a strong bond of trust, you have no idea what their lives are like, what they have been through up until you met, or even what they are going through right now. Over the last few weeks, I have learned more about some of my “new” friends, and I have realised how easy it is to forget that, behind their everyday faces, their routine and good looking life, their private lives could be falling apart, they might be going through some terrible tragedy or dilemma and no one on the outside would be none the wiser.

But when you know, when you find out, how you react to it defines who you are. It is so easy to pass judgment on someone, on a situation, or even on how your friend is managing it. And it is understandable too. You look at it from your own point of view, using your own experiences and feelings regarding the said situation. So, yes, it is understandable. But is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it loving? A few years ago, I would have said so. Today, I am not sure anymore. I look at the people around me and I can’t help but think that we have become too self centred even in our approach to helping one another.

So, as hard as it might be, I try to put my own prejudgment aside and listen more to my friends needs. And, even if sometimes I still can’t help but jump in with both feet to tell them what I would do if I was in their shoes, I find that, taking a step back to try and understand how they are feeling rather than why they are feeling this way, and empathise with that feeling, brings them more comfort than anything else I could rumble about.

So, as I try to be a good friend, I keep my mind, my soul and my heart open, try to keep my babbling tongue in check and thank God – or whoever is in charge – for the friends I have in my life who are doing just the same for me.