Four months! It's only been 4 short months since I met That Man and fell totally, utterly and madly in love. Because there is no question that it is love. And that's a first for me. It didn't take my heart long to feel like I loved him, and - against all the advice given to me by very well meaning friends - to tell him so. But it took my head a while to realise that it wasn't just one of those 'he'll do for now so that I don't feel totally alone all the time' type of bloke.
Now, lets be honest, this was NOT love at first sight. It was only meant to be a quick fix to an itch I needed scratching. Sorry for being so un-politically correct, but since he insisted on paying for everything, I let him take me out a few more times. What can I say? It was fabulous being treated nicely and being complemented all the time. And, yes, to feel desired and sexy was a massive turn on too. However I expected nothing more than a few weeks of fun as I was very aware of one tiny winny fact: He'd only just split up from his wife a couple of months earlier and I was his very first date after being married for over 20 years. So, while my heart was screaming ' this is sooooo nice, give me more', my head was gently but consistently nagging me, warning my heart with statements such as 'don't get too used to this, he's not our man. For a start, he's boldish, he's got tattoos - 3 massive ones, including one that says ENGLAND across his back - he's a man's man, he's just out of a 20 odd years marriage and he's as English as they come.' Basically, don't get too attached.
But then, my heart was never one to listen to reason, or to what my head had to say for that matter. So, while I kept seeing That Man, ensued a most interesting battle in that body of mine. This was the biggest battle of the last 30 years! Everyone else step aside and watched.
On the right, standing tall and proud, oh and a little bit stubborn, was HEAD. She always over analyses everything, digging deep into the opponent's past to back up her statement. From her side, the arguments were coming fast, and not always at the best of times. For example, during a romantic dinner, or on the back of That Man's motorbike, it would shout out "For crying out loud, you're not believing all this crap, are you? He's on the rebound! Stop being such a wimp for lovey dovey rubbish! Don't you know better by now?!?!"
One the left was HEART. He has a tendency to run with his emotions and needs and often doesn't realise he's being taken for a ride until its too late. He only ever sees the good in people and trust they are genuine. His replies to HEAD's comments were gently and kindly shared by pointing out "That Man is being honest and loving toward us, and I really like how it's going."
There was no question to the rest of the team that HEART was going to loose this battle. Besides, he'd lost every other ones and HEAD had always stood tall and triumphant, with an "I Told You So" smug expression about her. But then something unexpected happened. It totally threw everyone to the core and threatened the order and balance of this well oiled machine. HEART did not give in. And the more HEAD fought back, the bigger and stronger HEART became. Something was making it fight in a way he'd never done before. HEAD started to sound like a broken record while HEART's arguments became clearer, led by very strong feelings and more rational fighting talk. It all came to a head - no punt intended - when everyone heard HEART exclaim "So he's not perfect! I'm not either if you haven't noticed! No one is. The point is, he is everything I've ever wanted in a man when it comes to my emotional needs and what I expect for a relationship to even have a shot at making it! I'm not deluded in thinking it's always going to be easy or fun, but that's life, and I want That Man in mine!!!" Everyone froze. Everyone thought. And in the end, everyone agreed, even HEAD, that HEART might be onto something.
Since then, everything has changed, and for the better. Everyone is enjoying the ride HEART is taking us on. And That Man is now a constant feature in our life. So constant that we actually spend nearly every evenings together, either just the two of us at mine or at his house with his two lovely daughters. Two kids aged 5 and 11 and an extremely volatile ex-wife are his baggage. Mine are over 10 years of emotional neglect due to very poor men choices. Nothing there that either of us really can't handle! And then there are the more important questions:
- Is it going to last? Only time will tell, but I can tell you one thing, we will give it our best shot to make it last as long as possible, as neither of uf want it to end right now.
- Does he love me? Of course he does. Even if he hasn't said those 3 little words, he's showed it to me in so many ways. I mean, he unblocked my toilets the other day with a wire hanger and his hands (with gloves on admittedly). If that's not love, I don't know what is!!! ;-)
- Is being together fun? It's already been full of it, so a pretty good start.
- Is it going to be easy? No, lets be honest, not with our personal baggage. I'm needy, demanding and emotional at the best of times. But somehow, he's managing it like a pro. The girls can be challenging for both of us, but luckily, we seem to have taken it in our stride and work as a team. It actually feels very natural, even the arguments with the kids and how we help each other through it.
- Him, his girls and I? I'm up for the challenge! They are great fun - when they're in a good mood ;-) - and funnily enough, after a few days just the two of us, I'm starting to miss them.
- Is it love? Abso-fucking-lutely . Not an ounce of doubt in my mind.
Finally, that one existential question The O'Jays asked so well: "Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it?" I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to enjoy it for everything it's giving me. And who knows, with a little bit of luck and some work, we might even make it.
